Being misunderstood can hurt more than we expect. Especially when it comes from someone who has been close to us.
Perhaps you’ve been called selfish for making a decision someone dislikes. Perhaps a relationship has ended and you feel your part in it is being described unfairly. Or you’ve heard an opinion about yourself that leaves you thinking, “Is that really how they see me?”
You might want to explain everything. Find the right words, put the events in order and make them understand. At other times, you may begin questioning yourself. What if they’re right? Have you missed something?
It can be difficult to reflect clearly when you’re also feeling hurt. Before deciding how to respond, give yourself a little room to consider what has actually been said—and what you believe about it.
Look for something specific beneath the label
Words such as “selfish,” “difficult” or “irresponsible” can feel like a judgement on your whole character. They don’t tell you much about what happened.
If there is a particular action behind the criticism, you can consider that action. Did you break an agreement? Speak in a way you regret? Fail to communicate something important? If so, there may be something you want to acknowledge or put right.
But someone being disappointed with your choice doesn’t, by itself, mean the choice was wrong.
For example, cancelling an arrangement without telling anyone is different from explaining that you can no longer make a regular commitment. Both might upset someone. They call for different responses.
Try asking: “What, specifically, am I being asked to take responsibility for?”
Give your own experience a place in the conversation
When someone speaks with certainty, it can be easy to give their account more weight than your own.
You were there too. Your intentions, circumstances and experience deserve consideration, even if the other person sees things differently.
It may help to write down what happened in plain language. What did you agree to? What did you communicate? What would you do differently now? Which parts of the criticism don’t match your experience?
You’re allowed to arrive at a mixed answer: “I wish I’d handled that conversation differently, but I still believe the decision was right for me.”
Taking responsibility for one thing doesn’t mean accepting every accusation that comes with it.
Decide what a response could realistically achieve
Before sending a long message, consider what you want it to do.
Are you correcting a specific misunderstanding? Hoping to repair a relationship? Setting a boundary? Or trying to make someone approve of you?
A conversation may be worthwhile when both people are willing to listen. Sometimes a brief correction is enough: “That isn’t an accurate account of what happened. I’m happy to discuss the specific situation.”
You might also decide: “I’m willing to talk about our disagreement, but I don’t want to continue a conversation that involves name-calling.”
You don’t have to answer immediately. Taking time can help you choose words that reflect what you actually want to say.
Speak to someone who can offer a fair perspective
When you’ve been replaying a judgement in your head, a conversation with someone you trust can help.
Choose someone who can listen carefully and be honest with you. They might help you recognise something worth addressing, or notice where you’ve begun treating another person’s opinion as a fact.
You don’t need everyone to agree with you to take your own experience seriously.
A question you can bring to tarot
If feeling judged has left you uncertain about yourself, a tarot reading can provide a focus for exploring your feelings, boundaries and choices.
A useful question might be: “What would help me respond to this situation with self-respect and honesty?”
Or: “How can I stay true to myself while remaining open to what I need to learn?”
The reading isn’t a way to prove someone wrong or establish what they secretly think. It offers space to consider your own response and next step.
If this is something you’re experiencing, you’re welcome to bring your question to a personal Email Tarot reading with me. I’ll write your guidance for you to read privately and reflect on in your own time.
Explore personal Email Tarot readings.
Love, Simone x