ISSUE 02 | NOVEMBER 2026When something no longer fits
Recognising that you’ve changed, even when your life still looks the same.
STEP INSIDE THIS MONTH’S ISSUE ↓IN THIS ISSUE ↓ SIMONE’S NOTE GUEST PERSPECTIVE DEAR SIMONE THE CLARITY PRACTICE YOUR COMMUNITY
A NOTE FROM SIMONEMaking room for who we are now
What happens when the life you’ve built no longer reflects what you need? This month, we explore changing roles, the guilt of being needed by everyone, and making room for who you are now.
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Hello everyone,
There is something reassuring about being known. The people close to us remember our stories, understand our habits and often know what we’re going to say before we say it.
But being known can become complicated when we begin to change. People may still introduce us as “the organised one”, “the easy-going one” or “the one who always helps”. We may have used those descriptions ourselves for so long that we hardly question them.
What happens when those descriptions leave something out?
This month’s Find Clarity explores “When something no longer fits”. Alongside asking what has changed within us, I’ve been thinking about how we make room to discover new things about the people we love. Do we allow each other to have different opinions, different interests and different needs? Can we stay curious rather than assuming we already know?
I’m delighted to welcome Sarah, a Cardiff-based life coach, yoga teacher and somatic movement practitioner, as our guest contributor. Her article, “When Your Life Still Fits on Paper — But No Longer Feels Like Yours”, explores the less visible signs of change and how we can begin to understand them.
In Dear Simone, a heavy-hearted mum writes about feeling stretched between the people who need her, guilty that nobody gets enough of her time, and afraid that everything will fall apart if she stops. Thank you to our reader for putting such a difficult feeling into words and trusting us with her question.
Our Decision Compass takes a closer look at being the dependable one in our relationships, with a practical exercise to help you put your needs into words.
I hope this issue gives you something to reflect on for yourself, and perhaps a reason to ask someone close to you: “Is that still what you want?”
As you read, keep this month’s question in mind:
Where am I saying yes out of habit, when my honest answer has changed?
With love,
Simone
GUEST PERSPECTIVE · 4 MIN READSarah Callus | LazyYoga
When Your Life Still Fits on Paper — But No Longer Feels Like Yours
Life coach Sarah explores the quiet signs that something has shifted, why our bodies sometimes notice first, and how to begin listening to what we want now.
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Sometimes nothing is obviously wrong. Your life might look perfectly fine from the outside. You have the job, the relationships, the routines and responsibilities you’ve built over the years. On paper, it all still makes sense.
And yet, something feels different.
Perhaps you feel restless without really knowing why. Things you once enjoyed don’t excite you in the same way. You find yourself becoming irritated or resentful about things you used to accept without question. You might crave more space, more freedom or simply more time to yourself.
There may be a quiet thought that keeps returning:
This doesn’t feel like me anymore.
We change, even when our lives don’t
One of the hardest things about change is that there doesn’t always have to be a crisis.
Sometimes we simply outgrow things.
The job that once felt exciting might now feel draining. A role you were happy to take on may have become something you feel trapped by. A relationship or friendship may no longer feel the way it once did. Even the expectations you’ve placed on yourself can begin to feel uncomfortable.
But because nothing is obviously “wrong”, we can dismiss those feelings.
We tell ourselves we should be grateful. That other people have it worse. That we’ve invested too much time to change direction now. Or that wanting something different somehow means we’ve failed.
It doesn’t.
It may simply mean that the person who created this version of your life isn’t quite the same person you are today.
Sometimes your body notices first
We often try to work everything out by thinking harder.
We make lists. We weigh up the pros and cons. We ask other people what they think. We tell ourselves to stop overthinking and just get on with things.
But sometimes our bodies have been signalling that something isn’t right long before we consciously acknowledge it.
You might notice tension in your shoulders when you think about work. A heaviness when you agree to something you don’t really want to do. A sense of dread before something that used to feel normal. Or perhaps you simply feel constantly tired, irritable or unable to switch off.
This doesn’t mean every uncomfortable feeling is telling you to leave your job, end a relationship or completely reinvent your life.
It’s simply information.
Instead of immediately trying to fix the feeling, we can become curious about it.
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
Give yourself permission to listen
In my coaching work, I often meet people who actually have a sense of what they want.
The difficulty isn’t always knowing.
Sometimes it’s giving themselves permission to admit it.
Because once we acknowledge that something needs to change, another set of questions can appear.
What if I make the wrong decision?
What will other people think?
What if I disappoint someone?
What if it doesn’t work?
So we stay where we are — not necessarily because it makes us happy, but because it feels familiar and safe.
Change doesn’t have to mean blowing up your life. It can begin much more quietly.
It might be setting a boundary. Saying no without explaining yourself. Making time for something you’ve been putting off. Exploring an idea you’ve had for years. Asking for help. Having a conversation. Or simply admitting to yourself that you want something different.
A few questions to sit with
If something in your life no longer feels quite right, you don’t need to have all the answers.
Start with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
What am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate?
Where in my life do I feel most like myself?
What am I doing because I genuinely want to — and what am I doing because I think I should?
If I wasn’t worried about disappointing anyone, what would I want?
What have I been quietly wishing would change?
What is one small step I could take towards what I want?
You don’t need to answer them all at once.
Sometimes the first step is simply creating enough space to hear your own answer.
Because recognising that something no longer fits doesn’t mean you have to know exactly what comes next.
It might simply mean you’re ready to start listening to the person you are now.
About Sarah
Sarah is a Cardiff-based life coach, yoga teacher and somatic movement practitioner. Her work supports women who feel stuck, overwhelmed or at a crossroads to slow down, reconnect with themselves and begin moving towards what they actually want. She combines coaching with an understanding of the body and nervous system, creating a practical and supportive approach to change.
Find out more about Sarah and her work at lazyyoga.co.uk.
DEAR SIMONE“What do you do when you feel guilty about not having enough time for everyone?”
A mum asks how to cope with the guilt of never having enough time for everyone—and the fear that everything will fall apart if she stops.
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“What do you do when you feel guilty about not having enough time for everyone? You know they need you. You know they look to you for the stability of, well, life, but you feel you’re not giving enough to any one person, and the guilt is awful. Life seems so hectic. You just feel if you stop, everything will fall apart for everyone. Thanks, A very heavy-hearted mum”
Dear Heavy-Hearted Mum,
What comes through in your letter is how much you care. You want the people you love to feel supported, and you’re trying to give each of them enough of yourself. Yet however much you do, you finish the day feeling you should have done more.
That is a painful way to measure your days.
The three cards I pulled for you were Justice, The Hanged Man and the Seven of Cups. Together, they invite us to look at what you’re carrying, what you expect of yourself and where some help or a different arrangement might be needed.
Justice asks us to look honestly at what is fair.
You know that other people need you. But where do your needs sit within that picture?
If being fair means considering everyone, that has to include you. Your time, energy and need for rest belong in the equation too. Justice asks whether the responsibilities around you are shared as fairly as they could be—or whether you have gradually become the person who notices, remembers and takes care of everything.
Some of those responsibilities may genuinely be yours. Others may be things someone else could help with, even if they do them differently.
Feeling guilty doesn’t, by itself, mean you have let anyone down. It may be worth asking what you are judging yourself against. Is it something you could reasonably give, or an expectation that leaves you permanently falling short?
The Hanged Man speaks directly to your fear of stopping.
You say it feels as though everything will fall apart if you pause. I wouldn’t dismiss that feeling. When people rely on you, there are real things that need doing, and “just take some time for yourself” can sound like another task you have no room for.
This card invites a change of perspective. If you could step back from the rush for a moment, what might you notice about how life is organised around you?
Perhaps you need someone to take responsibility for a regular task, rather than waiting for you to ask each time. Perhaps a conversation needs to happen about how much you can manage. The pause could be as small as saying, “Before I agree to that, I need to check what I already have on.”
Give yourself that moment.
The Seven of Cups reflects how difficult it can be to know where to turn when everything is asking for your attention.
There are the things people actually need today, the things you would like to give them, and all the things you worry might happen if you don’t. Together, they can become one overwhelming list.
This card encourages you to bring it back to something specific. What needs your attention today? What can wait? What could someone else take on?
You might also ask one of the people you’re worrying about, “What would help you most this week?” Their answer may be more manageable than everything you’ve been trying to provide. A little undistracted time together, for example, may matter more to them than several things you feel obliged to get done.
Start by looking at who needs you and what they need help with. Each relationship may call for a different response.
If it’s your children, are there things they could begin doing for themselves, depending on their age and abilities? Getting their school things ready, making a simple lunch or helping with household jobs can all be ways of contributing. They may need you to show them first and allow time to practise. You can still be there for them while helping them become more independent.
If you have a partner, could they take full responsibility for something that currently sits with you? That might mean organising the school run, planning meals or keeping track of appointments—including remembering what needs doing. You could say, “I need you to take this on, because I haven’t got the capacity to keep managing it.”
If you’re supporting a parent, is there a sibling, relative, friend or trusted neighbour who could share some of the visits, shopping or phone calls? Depending on what your parent wants and needs, a local community group, befriending service or carers’ organisation may also be worth exploring. Finding out what support exists can be a first step.
There may be no obvious person to ask, and I know that makes this harder. In that case, begin with one specific pressure and consider who might help you find support for it. You don’t have to work out a whole new arrangement in one conversation.
And when you worry that someone isn’t getting enough of your time, try asking what would mean most to them. Your child might want ten minutes together at bedtime. Your parent might value a regular call they can look forward to. Knowing what matters to them can help you decide where to put the time you do have.
You deserve time with the people you love that you can enjoy, without constantly counting what you haven’t managed to give. And you deserve support yourself. Let someone know how heavy this has become.
With love,
Simone
THE CLARITY PRACTICEThe Decision Compass
When being the dependable one no longer fits
Perhaps you’ve always been the person who organises everything, listens to everyone or says, “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.”
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You may still care deeply about the people in your life, but find yourself feeling resentful, tired or overlooked. What once felt like a willing contribution has become something everyone expects—including you.
This month, take ten quiet minutes to explore whether a familiar role still leaves room for what you need.
1. Notice the moment you wanted to say something different
Think of a recent occasion when you agreed to something you didn’t really want to do.
“What did I say—and what did I wish I could have said?”
Try to describe that particular moment rather than judging the whole relationship.
2. Name the expectation
Ask yourself:
“What do I believe I have to do to be a good friend, partner or family member?”
Perhaps it’s always being available, avoiding disagreement or putting your own plans last.
Then ask:
“Has this been asked of me, or have I come to assume it is my responsibility?”
Sometimes expectations are spoken. Sometimes a pattern has simply gone unquestioned for years.
3. Work out what you want to change
You might still enjoy helping, but want to be asked rather than assumed available. You might want someone to listen to you for a change. Perhaps you need time together that doesn’t revolve around solving a problem.
Finish this sentence:
“I would feel happier in this relationship if…”
Be as specific as you can. What would a different arrangement look like in everyday life?
4. Practise one honest sentence
Choose something small you would like to communicate. For example:
“I can listen, but I haven’t got the capacity to help organise this.”
“I’d love to see you. Could we choose a time that works for me too?”
“I know I usually do that, but I need us to share it this time.”
Use words that sound like you. You can be warm and clear in the same sentence.
Take this question with you
“How can I care for this relationship while making room for myself?”
ONE QUESTION · A THOUGHT FOR THIS MONTHYou’re allowed to change your mind about what works for you—even if everyone is used to you saying yes.
Where am I saying yes out of habit, when my honest answer has changed?
Take it on a walk. Sit with it over a cup of tea.
There is nothing to complete or get right.
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